Blarf Rates Gene Simmons, Measles, and Pitchfork Reviews | Over/Under

(drum music) – Gene Simmons is a son of a bitch. You get me toe to toe with Gene Simmons, I will fuck his ass up. I will spread his butt
cheeks open and I will lick. I fucking hate that guy. He’s a fucking son of a bitch. Kiss sucks, man. Give me a break with that shit. It’s like, “Lollypops, gumdrops, rainbows.” They’re like if rock and
roll tried to be, like, a ride at Disney World or something. One guy wears cat makeup. They’re fucking embarrassing. They’re humiliating. And he’s such a misogynist, fucking bloated son of a bitch, he’s like, “Suck my dick. Go to my burger store at
the Los Angeles Airport.” He’s a fucking chauvinist piece of shit. Fuck him (laughs). Shit, I don’t know, man. That’s scary, dude. (Mumbles) The Pitchfork. That’s like being on The Voice. Who’s the head of Pitchfork? Greg Pitchfork? I can just imagine Greg Pitchfork spinning around in that Voice
chair like a fucking top. Like a merry-go-round
when he hears this shit. He’s gonna be spinning around like the Gravitron at the state fair. He’s gonna be like, “My
father was a Pitchfork.” “His father was a Pitchfork.” “His father was a Pitchfork.” “And (mumbles), this album deserves a 69.” (Groans). Measles. Underrated. You gotta get ’em. It’s a wild ride. I shot up the measles
vaccine the other day. I was high as hell. I was like a fucking deleted
scene in Trainspotting. I guess if you’ve got
your child’s face tattooed on your face, slightly
off-centered, that’d be a bad idea, but it would look cool. Your kid looks like a fucking
little potato dumpling when he comes out. Gotta get that kid grown. Then you fucking tat him. You tat him when he’s like
23, looking real good. That’s when you tat that kid. When he’s in his prime. That kid’s looking good (smooch). Mm that kid’s looking too good (groans). Ted “Bundy” Nugent. Underrated, dude. He’s like, “Yeah, dude, rock and roll.” “I’m super Republican.” “Ban abortion.” You got his new album
called “Ban Abortion”. Ted Nugent, ban abortion. I’m gonna kill an abortion doctor. He killed an abortion
doctor in his latest album. No, fuck that guy, he’s a fucking scumbag. Piece of shit (foreign language). Next time I see him I’m
gonna be like, “What are you tap dancing on a beef cake
under the Verrazano Bridge?” Go fuck yourself, Ted. Teddy, Ted Talk, Ted “Bundy” Nugent. I’ll see you at the Ted
Talk, you piece of shit. Home Depot is not overrated, but it’s not underrated. It’s at the perfect rate. It’s like you need shit for your house? You go to Home Depot. You need some nuanced
Italian sofa designer and he only made six sofas in the 70s, you’re shit out of luck at Home Depot. You need a fucking weird,
flat, orange pencil? Go to Home Depot. Bestiality is probably underrated. There’s probably, like, a secret world of sexual delights out in
every farm in America that we don’t know about
because we’re so judgemental. Wasn’t it T.S. Eliot who
said there’s a little bit of Narnia inside each cow pussy? Ah, buy my album (laughs). It’s free. I’m promoting a free
album we’re just releasing on the Internet for whatever reason. It’s unlistenable, too. It’s fucking unlistenable. I dare you to get through,
like, six minutes of my album. Rupadups. You know what? Rubert Murdoch, I think,
is a total nihilist because he owns FOX News. Super right-wing. And owns VICE. Super left-wing. So I think he’s just, like, puppet master. He’s just eating fucking shrimp and champagne
in a jacuzzi full of blood. And he’s just, “One million, two million,
three million, four million.” He’s counting that paper
and watching the world burn. Pitting the working class against itself. He’s underrated. Love that guy. He’s a mogul. He’s my hero (laughs). He’s right behind me, isn’t he? Blood out of the vents (spewing noise). It’s always (mumbles)
Rupert neck in fucking neck. Seeking world domination
from Sumner Redstone’s cold, dead hand. Who owns the most media? Four people.


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