CONFRONTING MY MOM ABOUT DAD & DNA TEST


– Hi, guys, welcome back to my channel. In today’s video, I’m going to be doing something that
I’ve never done before and I’ve only just decided that I would go ahead and document this. Just in case anyone
else can relate to this, please let me know if you
can in the comments below ’cause I’m a bit like
should I put this out there? Should I not? But whenever I do share something, like when I had separation
anxiety with the kids, I put a video out about
it and I was just shocked at how many other people
were the same, could relate. So I’m doing something in my life now that I felt maybe it was worth sharing, and today, I’m gonna talk to
my mum about my birth father, and I’m just gonna
start a bit of a journey into finding out who he
was, what he was like, if we have any similarities. He is actually now dead, he passed away I think 12 years ago, and I only really knew
him when I was very young. I don’t have that many memories of him, and the memories I do have are not good. I did do a draw my life a long time ago, I will put a link in the description, but it will be an unlisted link. I’ve actually now made that video private because my eldest son, he’s
seven, he’s nearly eight, he’s very good on
computers, and I don’t know, I just panicked that one
day he might click on it and see my whole life. If you wanna like piece
the pieces together, you can go ahead and do that. But basically, I obviously had a father, you have to have a dad to be born, and my mum and dad, like he wasn’t the nicest guy in the world, and my mum was a lot younger than him, and long story short, she
ended up running away from him when I think I was like
three, my sister was five. And then we moved in with my grandparents and then my, and then I had a stepdad for like the whole of growing
up, who has also now died, my mum does not have
the best luck with men. But he was kind of more like
a dad figure, my stepdad, but recently, only since
I’ve become a mother myself, I have thought more about my birth father. I think having our kids
and seeing how much they are 50% me and 50% Matt, like some of them look like me and then some of them really act like me, and I don’t know, I just started thinking about genetics more, and where I’ve come from, and then I did a DNA test on like Ancestry to see where I’m actually from, and that was really interesting,
I did a video on that, so I’ll link that below as well. And then, because of that
DNA video that I did, the Telegraph newspaper
in the UK contacted me and they were like, we want to compare four different
DNA places, like websites, it was like Ancestry, Heritage,
there was like four of them, and compare if they’re all like the same. So it was just like an article and he was like ’cause I’d
already done my results it was like easy to do all four of them. Anyway, on one of those sites it came back that I was
42% related to someone. So on these sites, you
can share your details and share your DNA, and then like cousins or long lost family members
can all get in touch. So I didn’t even think about, when I agreed to do the article, I just, I just thought,
yeah I’ll just do it, I never thought that anything
would come back like that. Anyway, one of the links, like you get like third and fifth cousins, and then this link came up and it was like you’re 42% related to this person, they are highly likely your
grandfather or your uncle. So it turns out it is
one of my dad’s brothers, I think he had like four or five brothers, and, so yeah, it’s literally like, I was like, jeez, like I’m
really related to that person. I know I have like half
sisters, a half brother that I don’t really speak
to or know much about, and I know very little
about my actual birth father and the only things I
do know are not good. And I never probe my
mum for more information on my birth father because I think it’s probably quite painful
for her to talk about, ’cause, you know, you don’t
really wanna talk about a not very nice time in your life or like an ex that was
like a horrible breakup, but for my mum, she
obviously had two things that will constantly be a reminder to come out of that relationship, and that is me and my sister. So I have a sister named Charli, she’s two years older than me, she’s like who I grew up with, who has always been like my proper sister, I had stepsisters and I
have loads of half siblings, but me and Charli were close. So we look nothing alike,
like me and my sister, everyone growing up,
people would always say, I was like blonde and
like, the way I look, she had like reddy-brown hair, we’re just very different
in personality as well, she was like a real academic, I was like creative social, I was obsessed with fashion,
she couldn’t care less. Like, we were just so, so different and everyone would make comments, like even family members
would say, you know, “We don’t know where Emily came from.” Or like, people at school
would just be like, “You can’t be sisters.” Like, “You look nothing alike.” And I don’t know, it’s just like this theme throughout my whole life. So, when my sister was visiting and I was doing all these DNA tests for these four things
for that Telegraph thing, and I’d seen how easy it is, like, just spit in a
tube and you send it off and you can find out these things, and I said to Charli, I was like, “Maybe we should just do a DNA test “and like, put it to bed and be like, “you know, the whole like, “are we full sisters or are we not? “Will just be out the window.” And we agreed that if we did this DNA test like, it wouldn’t change anything. Like, we grew up, like, we
would still be 100% sisters even if we weren’t like
completely blood sisters. Anyway, we decided to do this
thing, we did not tell my mum ’cause I really didn’t want to upset her, but we ordered it in, we
did it, we sent it off and then a few weeks
later, we had the results. So, in this video as well, I, I’ve already had the call with my mum, but I ended up calling my mum and then we were just being
really honest about stuff and I ended up telling her
the results to the DNA test. So that is in this video as well. On holiday, I was like, I just wanna, I was talking to Matt and I was like, I just wanna find out
a bit more information about who my dad was. I know one of my half sisters’ names, I think she’s, she’s slightly
older than me and Charli, so I put her name into Facebook, and it’s a very unique name, so I put it in and instantly she popped up and I was like, oh my gosh,
that’s my like, half sister, and I was just like,
I’m gonna message her. Like, I think as I’m getting
older, I just care less. I’ll read it to you. “Hiya, I know this is really random “and you probably don’t remember me, “but I’m your half sister. “I wanted to reach out because I wondered “if you had any photos of our dad “that you could send to me. “I cannot really remember
what he looks like, “I’m now a mum of three “and thinking about my own roots, I guess. “I also wondered how he died. “If it’s too painful to
talk about, don’t worry, “I hope this message finds you well. “Love, Emily.” Right? And she just literally came
back like an hour later, and she was just like, “Wow, I’m so happy to hear from you.” And I was like, phew, ’cause I was like so nervous sending that, ’cause like, she might, I mean, who knows how she would react. And she was like, “Hi, I have many photos. “When he died, I actually
tried to send you a message “saying that I have
pictures of you as a kid.” And, side note, I don’t have any, well, I don’t have many
photos of me as a child because when my mum ran away from him, like, she didn’t really
have time to pack up photos or anything like that, so like, he had all the photos of me as a child. “I have so much information
about this side of the family, “really happy to share it with you.” She said, “Do you still live in Toronto?” So I went back and I was like, “Oh my gosh, really? “I’m so sorry I missed the message.” And then I said, “I would love to see “photos of me as a child.” And she was like, and then I said, “I’d love to see “photos of my dad as a child.” ‘Cause I think that would be interesting, especially with my boys being so young. So then she sent a
photo of my dad a child, she was like, “I literally have
this one in my dining room.” And I, as soon as I saw it, I thought I actually think I look like him. The eyes, the chin thing,
the ears, 100% his. Also I thought Fraser looks
a bit like him as well. And people say that Fraser looks like me, so, I don’t know, it was just, I actually went cold when
she sent me this photo. Maybe I look a bit more
like his side of the family in terms of my face. She also has a brother,
so I have a half brother, and she also said that I have about three other half siblings as well, so that is like four half
sisters and a half brother. So it’s just all a bit like, what?! And he was an artist,
my dad was an artist, which like, kind of explains
why I’m so artistic, and she said he took loads of photos which, like, look at what my job is. So, I don’t know, it’s
just really interesting. But, before I go any further into the, dunno, I guess just finding out more about who I am and where he came from and, I don’t know, what
he was like and stuff, I wanted to tell my mum. Lots of people know who their
dad is, but I just don’t. So I sort of called her on Skype and I decided to like film the call, she was cool with that. So this is it here. – [Mum] I completely understand you being curious about the man. – I contacted, like, my half sister and she literally came straight back and she was just like, “Oh,
hi, so glad you got in touch.” And she was like, “Here is one.” And she sent it, and I forwarded
it to you, did you see it? – [Mum] Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty amazing. – Yeah! I just messaged her back and I said, “Oh my god, I have his ears.” And she put back, “I’m so sorry.” You know, obviously Charli’s like really worried about me
like, even looking into this or anything like that. And like, you as well, but I
think like for you and Charli, like, you have so much more memories. Like obviously you remember everything, I don’t remember like anything really. And you remember obviously
like the bad stuff, and I obviously never ask you about him because obviously that
is not nice memories. – [Mum] You can ask me anything you want and I will just answer
honestly, I’m not… – Like, obviously he’s
dead, like he’s gone. But it’s just interesting to see like what similarities you have, like he was obviously
a very creative person. – [Mum] Yeah he was, he, yeah he was. – So hold on, hold on. – [Mum] When your dad
was still with me, yeah. – Right okay, so, we have
the oldest half sister. – [Mum] A boy. – No, no, but there’s someone called (audio drops out) as well. – [Mum] I don’t know. – Like a high school
sweetheart he got pregnant? – [Mum] Oh, okay, yeah I do! She should be older than me, or my age. – Oh my gosh, yeah. – [Mum] Well yeah, your
dad was born in 1946. – Yeah, there’s a half
sister, a half brother, half sister (audio cuts out), half sister, real sister, Charli, half
sister (audio cuts out), half sister (audio cuts off). – [Mum] That’s everybody that I know of and I didn’t even know
about (audio cuts out) until you told me. He never told me that she
was pregnant or had a child, perhaps he didn’t know. – So that’s six kids maybe. – [Mum] Yeah, your dad
was kind of a serial… – But why didn’t he just be careful? – [Mum] Um, that wouldn’t, he wanted, he wanted as many children as possible, he wanted to, yeah. Yeah, I could go on but, never mind. – And so he died of a heart attack. – [Mum] It’s most likely, your dad smoked three packs a day when I knew him. He started drinking at breakfast, it was right until… – At breakfast. – [Mum] A lot of the time, yeah. A lot of the time, he’d carry around a Tim Horton’s coffee cup and it was actually rye and coke because, of course, rye and coke is the same color as black coffee. Or he’d put it in a Thermos and everybody would just think that he was drinking coffee. – Nice. – [Mum] But he was
pretty much always drunk. – Yeah. – [Mum] Or, you know, he was an alcoholic and he wasn’t even really
a functional alcoholic, he was frequently… – Not functional. – [Mum] Yeah. The first thing you
would hear in the morning was the lighter lighting the cigarette, like before he got out
of bed in the morning he’d light a cigarette. – That’s gross. – [Mum] And the last thing
he would do at night, he would light another cigarette. And sometimes he’d have
more than one going at once. He’d usually light the next cigarette with the bottom of the last one. – That’s disgusting, isn’t it? – [Mum] Yeah, but, you know, back in the day, people did smoke. – Like, I’m not hoping to find out he’s a good person or something like that. Like, I know he was not, or whatever, he’s obviously, you know. – [Mum] Good or bad, I’ve come to learn through all of this, and
as you can imagine, I’ve done a great deal of thinking about all of this and how I ended
up where I am and why. Good and bad are very much
relative terms, I think. Just because somebody is primarily not engaging in the behaviors that are, you know, societal norms, doesn’t mean that they are all bad. There are bad people who do good things, and there are good
people who do bad things, and I think good or bad is spectrum. – Were you obviously so
young, like 17, right, 17? – [Mum] I was 15 when I met him. – 15, right. And then like… – [Mum] And he was 32. – Yeah, that’s messed up. – [Mum] Yeah, so think of it that, you know, I was 15, I
was in private school, I was incredibly
protected, I knew nothing. You know, your dad was the first person who seemed to care about my opinion or care about what I thought. Everybody else just ordered me around. And I, you know, I thought
that that was love. But it was all very much a manipulation. – I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, and I think that’s why I
never ask you about it, ’cause I think, you know,
it’s not like a happy, happy, nice time in your life, like. But obviously you got, you
got two beautiful things. – [Mum] I’m very happy to discuss it. I don’t have as many issues
around it now as I did. – Especially now that he’s gone, like, I don’t know, like I feel safer like, maybe just looking into
like that side of the family, ’cause there’s like no danger that I’m gonna meet up with him, or. Was I like him in any way? Like, for, like, when I saw that picture, I was like, oh, I do I actually
think I look quite like him. But then when I was growing up, was that not hard for you like looking at my face thinking you look a bit like your dad
who was not very nice to me? – [Mum] No, no I didn’t. I, you know, you are your own person and, you know, I, no,
I just love you for you and, like I said, nobody is 100% bad. They, you know, he was
definitely more than 50%, but nobody’s 100% bad, and I like to think
that you and your sister are the best parts of him.
– Yeah. – [Mum] But I think you
are, in some ways, like him. You’re very creative. – Yeah. – [Mum] You’re very intelligent, I was always thought he
was an intelligent guy. – Well I think, they say like the most manipulative
people are very intelligent. – [Mum] Exactly, I was about to say I don’t think you can be
that manipulative without… – Like, if I’m struggling with the boys, and I’m obviously 35, like, you know, you would’ve been like 25. – [Mum] I love you very much. – Well yeah, no, it’s just like, it’s just interesting, isn’t it? I think, I would never
even think about him if I didn’t have kids myself,
do you know what I mean? – [Mum] Yeah, well, you might. You never know, you might. I mean, it’s, I think it’s
totally natural to be curious. – Yeah. – [Mum] I don’t know, I
think you have to talk to more people than just me to try to put the pieces together. – Yeah. – [Mum] To know what he was actually like, because, of course, I
only saw one side of him. And you experienced, you know, pretty much that same side of him. I think you’d have to
speak to his brothers if you wanted to know what he was like. – See, I’m scared because
I think they wouldn’t, they’d hate him because he probably has ripped them off, stole money from them, and done horrible things to them as well. – [Mum] Probably. – When people met him,
did they think he was, did they like him? – [Mum] Yeah, he was very social, and he certainly had a circle of friends. There were some people that
really thought he was fantastic because he was very well read, and because he was intelligent, he had a very sharp sense of humor. And he could, you know, as you say, Emily, he could blag his way out of most things. He was kind of a, I think
a lot of male friends saw him as a bit of a lovable rogue living the kind of life that
they would love to live. He had, you know, numerous women, he drank, he partied, he smoked, he, you know, whereas
other people might’ve had, you know, traditional marriages that felt they couldn’t behave that way. No, I can’t really regret anything because I have you and your sister. – Yeah. – [Mum] I’ve thought about it a lot, I feel if you could go back
to do it all differently another time, you know,
would it have been better to avoid that part of your life? But if I didn’t have you
and your sister, you know, so I can’t really regret any of it, can I? – No, no. No, definitely not. No, and I think that’s when you’re like fully over something,
when you can be like, it was, it was awful
but I’m actually glad. – [Mum] Yeah, because I love you and I love, you know, Charli, and I mean, look at the five absolutely
gorgeous grandchildren and the two lovely sons-in-law, and look at where I am now. Can I tell you something while we’re being like
really open and honest? – [Mum] Yeah. – But I don’t want you to be mad, it’s not like a bad thing. I just like, wanted to,
like, make 100% sure. ‘Cause you know like, I mean, Charli may have even told you but you know like our whole
lives everyone was like, “You two don’t look anything alike. “You’re not really 100% sisters.” Blah, blah, blah, blah. So when Charli was here, I was like, should we just do a DNA test? ‘Cause I was just like,
like, I thought we- – [Mum] Yeah, so did she do it? – Yeah, and we’re 100% sisters. – [Mum] Yeah, I knew that. – I know! I wanted to tell you, but then
I didn’t want you to be mad. But like, everyone was like- – [Mum] I’m not mad at all, sweetie. I’m not surprised, I was there! – I know you know! But like, literally like
my whole life growing up, like, even comments of like, “We don’t even know
where she’s come from.” ‘Cause I look different. Yeah, so that is how the
conversation with my mum went. I have no idea how I didn’t
cry during speaking to her ’cause I really emotional. Like, even just asking her, like, it was quite a scary thing to do. But she was great, she was fine with me looking into things a bit more. She said, you know, be careful in case he’s upset anyone. But what I might do is just
contact my half siblings, see a bit more about them, but that in itself is scary ’cause I don’t if they
even know about me or not ’cause obviously, we sort of
went when we were very young and didn’t really see
him again after that. So yeah, if anything else happens I will probably document it. But it’s one thing
contacting a half sibling and then being like, can I also film it and put it on YouTube? Most of them are in Canada, but I think I have some
family in the UK as well, but God knows if they even know about me. I don’t know, this might be a can of worms that I shouldn’t open up. But it’s just funny how
now that I have my own kids it’s got me thinking about
my like, birth father ’cause, you know, even if he wasn’t nice, he’s still my biological dad. And yeah, I just, I just have a huge amount of respect for my mum ’cause, you know, she was so young, and I think things that me and my sister went through when we were really young, those kinds of things
could like ruin people. Because I had, like, a constant in my mum and like she kept the routine going, how funny that I’m obsessed
with routines now, but like, she kept everything like, she kept like a nice, normal life, and that’s probably what made us normal. So anyway, yeah. Thank you so much for watching, I will carry on this series
if anything else happens. But yeah, I don’t really know why I’m putting this out there, sorry this is really
long, I hope you liked it, let me know what you think in the comments or, yeah, I don’t know, bye! Bye, guys.

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