Growing Up Adopted

hi guys and i just want to say before we get
into the video thank you so much for all your comments and your messages so far I really
appreciate them and I’m going to keep making videos and videos out every week and I just
want to say thank you so much for all your love and support and don’t forget to comment
like subscribe all the stuff you know it but thank you so much so this video is going to
be about growing up adopted and this is definitely the hardest video I’ve had to make so far
I’ve had to refilm this video so many times I just want to say that before I do go into
it is that adoption is one of those many things that has both sides to it the dark and the
light the pro and the con and I’m going to be talking about some good things yes and
some not so good things and I’m not saying overall that I don’t think that it is a good
idea however I do want to speak openly about both of those sides that I have experienced
as an adoptee myself soI just want to say that before I get into the video. I also want to say that this is not how everyone
experiences it it’s just my personal experience but i’m sure many of you out there have experienced
similar disillusions that I have. Anyway getting into it so my adoption as I’ve
said I’m a chinese adoptee I was adopted by an english couple when I was a baby and I’ve
grown up in England ever since my mum and my dad always told me that I was adopted there
was never that point where it was suddenly like “Oh by the way you’re adopted” another
thing with transracial adoptees is that you can’t hide it you can’t , someday you’re going
to find out and I always knew I always knew that my parents were different from me but
i didn’t know how and obviously when I was a lot younger people would be surprised when
my parents would come and pick me up or people would say things to me like “I’ve seen your
Mum” and it would be some Chinese lady I didn’t know and things like that so those things
were slowly sinking in my head but I didn’t think anything of it and when I was younger
I thought it was quite cool to be Chinese a lot of the other kids at my school hadn’t
ever met anyone that was Chinese and whilst I got the stereotypes of being good at Kung
Fu and eating a lot of rice they were interested to know about it and I was very comfortable
talking about it when I was a child. When I got to the later states of high school
however being Chinese was slowly starting to mean something else to me a lot of kids
called me what I now think of as racial slurs and people started to use being Chinese for
a negative thing that did bother me however like I said I was just a child so I just shrugged
it off I didn’t really think about it as being an integral part of: race, identity, adoption
blah blah ๐Ÿ˜‰ then we got to high school so secondary school and that was when a lot more
things started to happen we had to do a lot more science projects and some of them did
involve talking about your parents, talking about your ancestry talking about your inherited
traits and obviously being an adoptee I had none of those to talk about I couldn’t do
the project because I don’t have any people I’m related to, I don’t have anyone that has
passed traits onto me because there is no one so that was that was something else I
was starting to notice another thing that was having a really big impact on me was definitely
the media growing up a lot of girls started getting into fashion. started watching a lot more TV shows started
going in a lot more shops and I realised how I didn’t look like anybody, nobody in any
of these shops looked like me and it made me feel very alienated and again at my high
school I was one of about 3 asian people in my entire school so I definitely stood out
a fair amount. For the last two years of high school I changed
schools and I went to international school and I met some Chinese people for the first
time and this is when I started to realise the difference between me and other Chinese
people and English people growing up I always said that I was Chinese however when I met
some Chinese people from China I realised how I’m actually not that Chinese and this
was kind of disappointing for me because I realised that I’m actually very English on
the inside and the culture that I’ve grown up with has been English and I realised that
whenever I tried to explain that to people, people would look at me and say “oh but you’re
Chinese” or “but you’re not really Chinese” it felt like I was being pushed two ways and
this was when my whole feelings about it started to erupt and towards the end of high school
I remember I actually watched Dan AKA Dan. (Hi Dan if you’re watching this :D) I never
realised that many other people were out there that had such similar experiences to me and
talked about race and identity as openly as he did and I hadn’t really thought about it
or talked about it with anyone it had just been those comments from people and just subconsciously
so once I started to do that and talk about it a lot more I realised that I had a lot
to say about it , and had a lot more feelings that I realised and this actually made me
quite upset because It dawned on me how all those moments from films about finding your
birth parents it is quite unlikely to happen for me and I got frustrated with people. People who aren’t adopted or in a similar
situation to me couldn’t understand that not being born in a hospital, not being born to
your parents, having no record and no clue about that and that really started to frustrate
me. After I left school I went travelling and
really I think I was kind of trying to get away but the same things kept coming up again. Especially when you’re travelling people say
“Where are you from?” and I’d say “I’m from England” and then people would say ” Oh but
you look Chinese” and then I’d say “I am Chinese, yes” and then they would say ” Oh but you
just said that you’re from England” so that was frustrating again not every adoptee wants
to talk about it and being adopted and so I felt quite alone in this my mum was really
concerned as well and she brought loads of books about it and she tried to talk to me
as well and we started opening up the conversation about it but I felt too emotional so I didn’t
want to talk about it with her so then after all of that I went to university and I met
the most amazing people who are really lovely and open and accepting and I went to China
like I’ve said before and the link to my video on it is below and that is when I came to
my conclusion which is in my other video (link is below) about how Identity is fluid and
also whilst I was at university I got the chance to express myself through poetry and
poetry slam. A lot of my poetry was about being adopted
and my feelings about my loss of my birth parents and I had suddenly come to realise
that I had lost a lot of things that I didn’t realise that I’d miss and my culture my name
has been changed and I don’t know my birthday and I had lost the family that I had been
born to and that trauma and sadness I was able to express myself through poetry which
was really great and it is definitely a way that helped me to overcome that not knowing
a lot about yourself and your life is something that I’ll have to deal with and that is that
and although adoption has brought me those issues in my life It has also brought me a
lot of happiness and joy and part of being adopted is that I get to share my experiences
with you and I get to talk to many people out there and I joined this international
Chinese group ( China’s Children International on Facebook) and I got to talk to loads of
other adoptees and it was so great because I finally felt like I could share a lot of
the feelings that I had been feeling inside and I honestly felt as if things were becoming
better once I had accepted that a lot of my anger and sadness has really been about that
it started to drift away from me and I can focus more on seeing the positive side of
things and although a lot of times I’ve felt as if I’ve been pushed into this and I didn’t
have a choice, I was born to be different It has brought me a lot of good things in
life so there really are two sides to everything, so that is my experience hope it wasn’t rambling
too much hope you like this video , thank you so much for watching I’m going to do another
video next week and I’ll see you then thank you !


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