I JUST TOOK A DNA TEST..


Who am I? Kelly! Kelly what’s your ethnicity? 30 percent portrait? I would’ve guessed more. I don’t know what I am,
so I bought a 23andMe. I’m pretty sure it’s 23 and I, but y’all know what you’re doing, okay. From Ancestry. Ah, we’re all about to
open up, don’t worry, you’re not the only one. So I guess all I gotta
do is spit on something and then send it in and
then they’ll email me. (scoffs) Technology. Go online, 23andMe.com/start I gotta put all this information in? What is this for then? Email? Birthday? what am I spitting on then? It looks serious. Oh, there’s just one tube? Oh, there’s so much room for error. Anymore, y’all should just ask me what my ethnicity is and then
we don’t have to do this. What did I just give consent to? Store the sample? (gasps) for what? Sure. I said yep to a bunch of questions. (laughs) Are you Hispanic or Latino? This is what you guys are supposed– are you Middle Eastern, Asian, White? I guess, that’s what I’m here for. In what country do you live? Where did your ancestors originate from? I can’t with y’all, I paid
$200 for me to tell you what I am. This is highway robbery. Would you say you’re in good health? (frustrated sigh) No. Have you smoked at least 100
cigarettes in your entire life? I went on a hookah binge once so, yes. Do you typically smoke
cigarettes every day? No, no, no not at all. That’s a probably a confusing answer judging by the last I answered. During the past two weeks,
while at home or at work, how often were you
exposed to tobacco smoke? The lady at the post office
was on her smoke break, so never. What is your height? You guys. Five foot ten seven. Am I a night person or a morning person? I’m human, okay, why can’t
we all just be human? Have I ever had general
anesthesia for surgery? What does that mean? Yeah, sure, I don’t know. I’m not even reading the questions anymore I’m just hitting ‘no’. I had a coffee this morning, if I spit into this tube
and it comes back Colombian, y’all are getting an email from me. I have to spit up until here. Good lord, I just swallowed. Oh, now I have cotton mouth, okay. Get it together. Can I drink this stuff? Severe cotton mouth. Come on, you can do this. Oh, now I’m getting nervous. Can I use the spit from my armpits? ’cause that’s where all
the water in body’s going. Okay, here we go. (groans) Help me out, Kelly. Oh, this is torture. I’m getting nowhere. (laughs) Why do you need so much spit? Does the foam count? Hold on step two, we gotta
wait until my salivatory glands decide to start working again. Okay, this ain’t working, I need to Google pictures of juicy steak. (keyboard clicks)
Juicy steak. Honestly didn’t think it
would be this difficult. Oh, come on, this isn’t fun. Y’all gonna make me spit
for 33 and a half minutes, I’m a send this in and then
you’re just gonna tell me everything I just told you
in those questionnaires. Your name is Brandon Faris, your birthday is June 5th, 1991, and you are a male. (yawns) I’m getting tired, my body’s
losing all it’s liquid. My foam to spit ratio is spectacular. Hopefully y’all can work with that, okay. I’m dry as a bone. Unscrew the funnel from
the tube and discard. What about discard? Is dis your card? Oh, oh, this isn’t right. Bio-specimen bag, no gross, no, this it’s just saliva, this isn’t a specimen. Eww. Oh y’all have really done it and then you just send this back? (gasps) Then ship, that’s it? We’re off to the races, see
how much portrait I am, Kelly. ♪ I just took a DNA test ♪ ♪ about three and half weeks ago. ♪ Turns out, I don’t know
yet, I haven’t looked. I’ve got my results back. I’m assuming this is just gonna be like a game of how many different shades of white am I. (laughs) Neanderthal ancestry? What does that mean? Who are my Neanderthals? I have 268 Neanderthal variants. Oh yeah, but what does that mean? You are in first place out
of your friends and family. I could’ve told you that. What does that mean? I don’t understand any of it. Where am I from? That’s what I wanna know. What am I? Y’all I’m British. (laughs) I’m 100% British. What? No! Wooh! I am 99.8% European I am 50.9% British and Irish, from Greater London, UK,
and Country Cork, Ireland. I’m 24.7% French and German, I’m 1.9% Scandinavian, I knew I had to have a little
bit of Scandinavian in me. I’m 2% Spanish and Portuguese,
so I’m British and Spanish. That’s why I’m Spanish and Portuguese ’cause I had Colombian coffee, I don’t know if those are
even in the same general area. So I’m heavily European. I didn’t think I had family in California. Turns out I have 95 DNA matched
relatives in California. What are y’all doing here? Turns out I’m just a
descendant from the Vikings (scoffs) I think they’d be pretty disappointed. (laughs)

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