Irish People Take A DNA Test


I am doing a DNA test. I don’t know if it’s a paternity test or what. but I’m doing something. I assume it’s going to be mainly like South Asian. See as my mum’s Indian and my dad’s Pakistani. My gran is from Mayol but she was a Castellan. She’s very sallow-skinned, so I presume there’s Spanish blood there. And then my granddad was Cyprus. And then my other grandparents were from were both Dubs. We fit into the Irish physical stereotype I think. I’ve always felt kind of un-exotic. And I’d love to find out if there’s a little bit of (hand movements) exoticism in me. Ooooh! It’s cool and nifty! I thought it would be like a cup and video. I get the packaging. Because it’s like unlocking your genes. Get it? Open the kit test and lay out the unopened swabs and vials on a clean surface. This table’s been through the wars over the years. Has it been cleaned? I didn’t do science in school. I only needed it for a year. So this is all the experiments I missed out on doing. Swabs for swabbing. Vials of unknown liquid. I swab this around and then I plunge it into this thing and then. (off camera voice: and then it snaps on.) Yeah. It’s like a tampon. I don’t swab and awful lot actually. Cause nobody needs to swab. it’s not very useful. I wonder if my left cheek is like half Japanese and my right cheek is like half Turkish. Oh My mom’s probably watching this at home going, “Oh no he’s going to find out!” This is actually really exciting! Betcha they don’t – actually this is all a gimmick and they’re taking these off to clone people. That’s my DNA in a bag – biohazard! Be careful I could have germs! Now I know you didn’t ask for a semen sample, but I’ve prepared my own. I feel like there’s a little part of me in there. Oh I’m a little bit apprehensive that I might find something in there that surprises me. But that’s also the joy of doing this. (Silence) Yep. Also they might tell me I’m sick. And that’s the real worry. Music I’m really nervous. I don’t know why, I just am. I’d love to have a bit of like something mad in me. like West Indies. I’d be like, “Yeah!” I’ve been kind of haunted that I might be English. (Reading screen) Laura is: (laughs) As I suspected, Iberian? Oooh Spanish, 10 percent! East European – cool! …and Jewish! (raises arms) Yes! John is – alright! – 75% British and Irish! 9% Italian! Ehh! Gefooft (hand gesture). 8% Iberian, what’s that mean? And 4% Middle Eastern. Now! 19% Other. That means like half horse. John is (great) 94.6% British and Irish. Let’s say Irish. A bit Jewish! and a bit Eastern European. Aaaah! What am I? 84.2% South Asian. Oh really? I wonder if it…. Jewish? That’s mad! And Eastern European. I’m very confused. There’s a bit Irish in me! I’m part Amazonian. Oh my god, that’s unreal. Oh I knew there was a bit of Jew in me somewhere! I should start eating everything kosher and not just halal. The one thing I was banking on was like the Greek area. And now we’ve got Turkey and Azurbaijan, Iran Syria, Iraq, Kuwait, Oh no Donald Trump’s not gonna let me in America anymore! Like obviously my parents are Asian, but where did those little bits come from? So it’s obviously far back. I’m glad that I have other bits in me though. That is a really nice surprise. I was like it’s gonna be 100% Irish. Boring. Bellarusse, Lithuania, Poland, Ukraine. Like that area I never would have known about. That I’m part Irish makes me very happy. Yeah I’m delighted with that to be honest. Because I live for it. And I love being from Ireland. I figured I’ll drink more now that I know I’m that Irish. I mean Jews are the best comedians, so..What can I say, huh?. You know when Americans are like, “Oh I’m part Latina, I’m part native-American, part German, Scottish and Hungarian, But now Ican understand everyone’s made up of bits. Big melting pot!

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