hey guys it’s Mel and I’m back with
another video and today we are talking about Julian as you guys can see by
the title I am going to share just an update of his progress and how he’s
developing and how he’s been growing since he got home on the 19th was
exactly a month that we got home and it’s just it’s crazy we’re kind of at
this weird point now where it just kind of feels like we’ve had him for ever and
then other times it’s just like wow like he he’s just been home for a month like
that’s not a long time at all of you but anyway
so today I just wanna yeah I just want to talk to you guys about how he’s doing
I know a lot of you are curious and especially because these videos really
helped me out when we were in the process I really enjoyed watching other
people’s experience and just kind of hearing what they had to say so you know
I this may or may not help anyone out there and I’m just I just want to make
these for us to look back on and for him to look back on so yes so if you guys
are new here and don’t know Julian has been home for a month and he is actually
turning two next month I know a lot of you guys didn’t know how old he was
so yeah he’s going to be 2 and I’m so happy that he gets to be home for that I
don’t really know or think we’re gonna have anything big I’m not sure yet but
we missed his first birthday obviously and so we were just really happy that he
got to be here for a second so yeah that’s going to be next month he
is 27 pounds and I believe it was 34 inches tall so he is pretty average I
guys like I’m pretty sure they said he was like 50th percentile for both so
yeah he is growing great and everything is going well so first things first how
is he doing he is oh my gosh he is doing so much better
just overall better I would say he is definitely showing signs of being more
comfortable he definitely trusts us a lot more than he did when we got him of
course so in terms of like eating and sleeping
and bathing and little things like that like everyday life type of things when
we first got home he was it wasn’t bad per se but he you could tell that he
wasn’t comfortable so for example he wouldn’t really want to eat he was kind
of snacking more so on like a survival type of way he wouldn’t just sit down
and have a meal like he wouldn’t just want to eat whenever you would give him
food he would just kind of grab whatever you had as he was walking by type of
thing and I know that sounds like it’s not a big deal and maybe a lot of kids
do that but it’s so different from today like today he will sit down like well I
think he wants to II will sit down he will have an entire meal he is so much
more willing to try things he loves pretty much anything like right like
this kid eats everything and when we first got him he definitely did not want
to even eat things that that we knew he liked even things that like foster mom
gave us for him to have those first few days like he just he didn’t want
anything we kind of agreed that it probably came down to like a trust thing
like he didn’t know who we were so for us to give him something that even if it
seemed familiar to him like he was still like no see no thanks and so yeah like
now he trusts us enough to know that like we’ve looked after him and he will
go for almost anything that we offer to him what that means that I did want to
mention that we do offer and have made him Korean meals maybe not like super
homemade and delicious as what he had of course but we’ve tried our best and he
like that and he also eats Mexican food he loves beans and rice and tortillas and he’s
ate I mean he eats all types of noodles he’s had a egg rolls like he will just eat
anything so yeah that’s how his eating is which is great so ask for sleeping
sleeping was definitely our biggest challenge when we got home
both bedtime and naptime were just miserable I mean he just did not want to
go to sleep with us which understandably so he really always wanted to leave
during that time like he would run to the door or he would call out for his
foster family and things like that which of course that was very very hard and it
was a very challenging and emotional and that was the most grieving he ever did
was when it came down to sleeping oh man just thinking about it it was it was
heartbreaking um we would spend a lot of time just holding him while he cried and
just holding him while he rocked and there were definitely times where he
would just so strongly push off of me that I would have to hand him off to
Shane to try to like comfort him because I like I physically felt like I couldn’t
even hold on to him anymore like he was just trying to literally jump out of my
arm but for the most part he was okay just being held but he was he was crying
he was really upset it was really really hard those were definitely some of the
hardest times that we went through with him and him coming home so about two
weeks in is when he started to get better with that he he didn’t really cry
as much he just kind of like knew that it was bedtime and there was some
whimpers here and there which we’re still really really sad but overall he
was a lot more easily comforted he wanted us to hold him when it was bad
time and just little things like that started to change now about a week and a
half ago I would say was the first time that he was 100% okay like not even a
single wine of any sort came out of him when it was time to go to sleep I was
holding him and we said you know it’s nighttime and we try to say it in Korean
what we know and so all of that happened and I walked into the room and all of a
sudden like he just put his head down and I heard nothing and he laid on me I
was just you know patting him and rubbing his back and what I normally do
and he just went to sleep I mean he did not seem upset at all and that was the
first night that I remember walking out of that room and after he went to sleep
and just you know telling Shane and we’ve just celebrated we were like oh my
gosh like that’s a child who feels safe you know and he feels like he trusts you
enough to put him to sleep and and just that feeling was so great and it was
just definitely one of those moments where wow it was so relieving and if
you’re an adoptive parent and then you probably remember that feeling or look
forward to that feeling where you just have a sense of relief and this sense of
like hey it’s going to be okay that was definitely a light at the end of the
tunnel type of moments for me because there was there was quite a lot of
moments where I was I mean I was hurting for him and I was just in so much pain
wondering if when’s I gonna get better is it going to get better like just not
knowing when he was going to be okay was rough I mean it was rough that stuff is
amazing progress especially for months and I didn’t know what I was expecting
but it was a sweet surprise that he’s been getting better because yeah that
was definitely a really hard time so as for speaking oh my gosh you guys
this this boy is just he is a sponge-like
he is soaking up everything that we are teaching him in such a great like it is
crazy to see how much he’s learned already if you guys follow me on
instagram you’ll probably notice that I’ll post every so often whenever he
tries to copy a new word and stuff like that of course he’s not fully
comprehending what he’s saying and of course he’s not like speaking English
already or anything like that but he definitely tries I mean he copies
everything we say every time there’s a new object or anything like that we
pointed out we say what it is and he will point out it there is definitely
some words that he does understand now for example um he learned Apple and
every time he sees an Apple he says it’s an Apple his new thing this week is cars
he sees a car points out cars all day long talks about cars he shows me a car
and he’s just going around saying car for her car for her car and he calls
Luca Luca and he called also says buggy now which buggy is his nickname if you
guys know us we’ve called Luca buggy his whole life and so he’s saying that stuff
and he like that’s totally unprompted and yeah so now for example for Mama
which is food he sometimes tends to say mama eat mama eat so because we do the
back and forth thing he’s starting to do the back and forth thing so it’s really
cute I mean he’s he’s really trying to do it all essentially we’re trying to
teach whatever word is easier I guess but also singing it in the other
language it’s been working out he’s understanding us great he understands
simple things like go throw this in the trash he knows what that is he
understands sit down he understands go get me your shoes he just seems so smart
and we are always so thankful and just impressed I guess with how how well he
is always trying to learn and how well he was being raised by his
foster family I think so yeah that’s how he’s doing in the language and speaking
Department few things I want to mention about him just likes dislikes little
things like that would be he loved eating I mean oh my goodness
he could just eat all day really if I let him I’m not kidding you when I say
that he definitely has days where he eats more than Luca which is crazy
because look at it is going to be sick so that’s okay but he definitely needs a
lot and he is a good eater another thing he really loves is his brother his young
Luca he really loves to be around him and they have this kind of a weird
relationship right now I don’t know if it’s right now or if it’s just all the
time forever going to be this way but they’re definitely siblings I mean they
can just play and laugh and chase each other and have a grand old time and then
all of a sudden they’re screaming and they want to be away from each other and
Julian gets super overwhelmed and so we need to be like okay you guys need you
need some space right now so that’s definitely a lot of the way it’s going
on look at that has been just the most sweetest brother in the entire world I
mean he wants to love him so much but of course Julian has moments where he
doesn’t want to be loved on and so he’s like way beyond so there’s a lot of
yelling back and forth sometimes and that’s kind of been a little bit of a
struggle here and there just because we didn’t expect that we didn’t know that
Luca I would you know be so like so affectionate that we could not pull him
away and you know we didn’t have another kids so it is we just didn’t know what
was gonna happen so that’s the it’s been somewhat challenging to try to
figure out what the best way to go about it is and just to see their dynamic and
and see what’s normal and what’s too much and you know just little things
like that but overall like a kids so happy to see him everytime you look that
comes home from school he gets really excited and look at just oh my gosh look
I just cannot leave him alone I don’t like I said it’s it’s just it’s
great he is precious and I’m so happy that he loved them so much but your
parents of more than two props to you because I’m struggling over here
sometimes and I’m just like how how do people have more I don’t know Julian
also loves to go outside loves to go outside
any time that we ask him he is ready he will bring his shoes and he wants to go
he also loves the water he loves baths he likes being in the pool he loves me
turning on the sink I mean we’re like he does he loves playing with water so
that’s also really exciting for us because we love being in the water Luca
has grown up being in the water his whole life so we just are naturally
people who love going to do water activities and it’s so great that he is
enjoying them as well I don’t think there’s anything that he doesn’t really
like to do or anything like that and mostly of course just you know being
told no and telling him that he’s had enough to eat
it can be a little bit of a struggle sometimes but overall he’s come such a
long way already where he accepts a thing no like if we point something out
and we say no let’s not let’s not go here or let’s not touch this or here
let’s go this way instead or anything like that he is so cool with that now I
mean compared to when he first got here he would lose it I mean he was just he
was not happy and now he’s so much he is so much more chill with with those
things after he started sleeping better he is he is overall happier and that’s
really as good as we could have hoped for I mean everything else he’s he’s a
toddler and toddlers are a lot of work and toddlers can be hard sometimes and
they can be a little challenging and stubborn and stuff like that but overall
I mean progress from when he came home has been so good so this is something
that I kind of think about all the time and I I wouldn’t call it a struggle but
it’s definitely something that comes up every so often and sometimes it’s
sounder than others I guess and the reason why I want to share with you guys
is because I don’t feel like I hear people talking about this very much it’s
definitely a private feeling where I really only share it with Shane and I
don’t really talk about it out loud so that would be the area of bonding and
attachment and things like that because even though he’s been making huge
progress and he just seems better and happier and things are changing for me I
feel like he has become more and more our son every day I mean every day we
kind of feel more and more like we have two kids and it is very obvious that we
have two kids and we have two boys and these are our sons and it just every day
life feels normal in terms of us having two kids right but it is very obvious
that to him I’m not his mom yet I don’t expect it to happen now I didn’t expect
this happen now I guess but for some reason I think it hurts more than I
thought it would I was super like prepared for this actually I was I was
always saying like you know this is probably gonna happen and he’s probably
not gonna feel that way and it’s probably gonna take time and he’s
probably just going to be okay with us but not really care about us and just
all these little things that I I had in my
mind but to actually live it it’s kind of weird I guess I think some days I get
sad so I have some moments where I just want to like embrace him and and just
hold him and be affectionate with him and sometimes he lets me and sometimes
he actually does it back but it just doesn’t feel like he really wants to as
much as he’s just answering back to my affection I hope that’s making fun again
the only reason why I’m sharing this is because I want you guys and everyone to
know that even though I’m sharing the all the great things and all the
positive things and all the good happy feelings there is also a lot of hard
feelings and a lot of sad feelings and a lot of insecurities that are coming
from this and I’ve been feeling like I’m not doing my best even though I know I
am it’s almost like to him that’s not good enough and I know that sounds crazy
because I know that he doesn’t know that he’s not actually judging me he’s not
actually aware of you know what I’m doing or what I’m not doing but again I
knew this was gonna happen I am well aware this is gonna happen and if you’re
nothing this may very well happen to you but I think it’s harder when you’re
going through it and I think that’s something that people don’t really talk
about it almost seems to me like most people try to just focus on the good and
happy abduction and that’s great and I’ve said this before and I’ll say it
again and I’ll say it a million times there is not just beauty in an option
there is so much brokenness that comes from adoption and sometimes I tend to
see that a lot more than other days there’s again there’s moments where I
focus on just how beautiful he is and how what a miracle he is in our lives
and just what an awesome story but I have other moments where I can’t see
past the hurt and the history of him and just the
brokenness and you know his his his attachment his bonding not being there
and just all that stuff and that’s if that doesn’t matter it’s not about me
and I’ve known this this is not about me but I’m a mom and as a mom I feel I feel
things and I have this craving for her over protecting and over loving my
children you know and and many of you guys have actually noticed that I we are
very loving and so it’s kind of really hard when you don’t feel it back yet
maybe in time it’s going to be okay maybe it’s gonna happen next month or
maybe it’s gonna take a whole year or maybe it’s gonna take longer I don’t
know but I want you guys to know that this is happening and that it’s it’s a
very raw feeling that I have and that we go through and we’re patiently waiting
for it to change and I and I’m hopeful that it’ll be okay and that this feeling
will go away I want you guys to know the truth and not just hey he’s doing good
and everything’s great and he’s you know everything is like nothing ever happened
in talega that’s not at all what’s going on here so yeah I just wanted to share
that with you guys I hope that’s okay so before I leave I wanted to also again
thank you guys so so so much our channel is about to hit 100,000 subscribers and
that is like I’m speechless it’s like actually unbelievable still can’t
believe this is happening but thank you guys so so much I’m getting so many
messages and so many sweet words and and just encouragement and kindness from so
many of you that I’m just like in awe so thank you guys so so much for doing that
and with that being said I don’t have like a plan for our vlogs I don’t have a
schedule we are just a family channel that wanted to film our our life and our
and essentially make these home videos for us to see and to share we’re just
going to keep sharing our life when we can and there’s a lot of moments where
we won’t and and that’s just the way we are choosing to keep this so if you guys
want to follow along definitely subscribe so that you’re here with us
whenever we do I mean we usually try to do like a a weekly type of thing just
because we do enjoy filming our lives but I can’t promise you guys that you
know every single Monday or any specific day but week or anything like that just
just because our life is very busy sometimes sometimes it’s not but
sometimes was busy Shane is going back to work and he’s in the military and
he’s gonna start leaving here and there and so sometimes it’s just not totally
possible so yeah so before I leave I am going to
go ahead and get Julian so that you guys can see how he’s doing he’s already
growing I feel like like he just he looks already so much bigger than when
we first picked them up so it’s yeah it’s kind of sad um yeah let me go ahead
and grab up so you guys can see him and say hi yummy
had to bribe him with some snacks cause he loves some raisins oh he’s so sweaty
that’s all oh thank you can you say thank you yeah thank you thank you
okay your turn can you see right there can you see Julian say hi hey hey okay also says bye
you didn’t say hi but he says bye okay another raisin can you say chuseyo
say please yeah so as you guys can see he’s a super active boy he doesn’t
really want to be sitting down very long so I have to like give him a snack huh
he’s funny yeah he’s he’s good he’s a cutie pie
saranghaeyo saranghaeyo saranghaeyo I love you I love you I love you no thank you
Julian so thank you guys so much for watching don’t forget to love one
another and we will see you in our next video. Can you say bye? say bye kiss muah

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