My DNA Test Results! I’m WHAT?!


What’s up, guys? So, I have wanted to make this video for months! Over the last few weeks you may have seen this massive surge of YouTubers all doing this DNA mapping, testing thing. Right? I’m pretty sure it started with Dave from Boyinaband, or at least he was the first “YouTuber” that I saw do it. And since then, everybody has been mapping their DNA. I actually ordered my test kit back in June! Two weeks later, I receive a tube to spit in. I spat in the tube, I sent it off and finally last night, I finally received the email saying that my doom awaits me, essentially. So many YouTubers have done this now. Pretty sure we could just call it a ‘tag’ video at this point. This is the ‘Let the Random Web Have All of Your DNA Sequencing’ tag. Otherwise known as the ‘Find Out If You’re More Likely To Get A Terminal Illness’ tag. You know, I thought so many people were doing this video that I just didn’t wanna do it anymore. I thought, “You know what? Forget it. It’s been done. A million times.” And then I remembered I spent over £100 on this test. So this is this week’s video! Now, I have not looked at these results at all so everything that you see is gonna be a complete first reaction. I’m about to find out all of my sequencing results. I’m–I’m pretty nervous, actually. There’s some heavy stuff in this. There’s some genuinely really heavy stuff. Like, I could find out if I’m more likely to get Alzheimer’s, you know? Okay, so this is the page that I’ve been given. Let’s go to ancestry. Let’s see where I’m from. I’m pretty sure I’m just the plainest, white, British person you could possibly know. But people keep sayin’ I sound like I’m from Australia, so…who knows? 78% British and Irish. (deep inhale) Okay! Where else am I from? I’m 100% European. (cricket chirps) There’s actually a ton of countries. Which I’m-I’m pretty shocked about, actually. 78% British. I’m 5% French and German! And 14% Broadly Northwestern European. So, I’m-I’m like 14% Scandinavian. That’s why I have so many people from Sweden watching me. They just know! I’m also less than 0.1% Ashkenazi Jewish. I don’t know where that is, or what that is. “Central and Eastern Europe about 1,000 years ago.” Wow, I can’t believe I’m 14% Scandinavian. That’s really cool! My ancestry timeline. So, from the years 1720 to 1810, there was some sort of mish mash of French and German people with Ashkenazim Jewish people. And then I just didn’t exist. 1930 to 1960, British and Irish. Let’s have a look at some of these uh-reports because this is gonna be interesting. I haven’t looked at these yet, okay? Genetic weight: predisposed to weigh less than average. If somebody could tell my hips that, that would be great. But, you know, I guess my metabolism is-it’s alright? You know, I fluctuate like a little bit here and there, but for the most part, yeah I’m pretty light. Just pick me up and just (fart noise) you know? Lactose intolerance: likely tolerant. That’s not true. You know, I went plant-based like three years ago for like 6 months or so and ever since then, anytime that I eat any kind of dairy, I bloat. And apparently that’s the thing that people experience. If you, as an adult, stop eating dairy for like a few months, you become pretty much intolerant to it and it’s really, really weird. I can likely smell asparagus. Well, I can attest to the fact that I can, indeed smell asparagus. I can taste bitter things. Sweet taste: likely prefers salty. I do! You know, I’m starting to feel like this is just like one of those horoscopes you get in a magazine. Scorpio’s going to encounter some hard times this week. (gasps) that’s me! I know I do genuinely prefer salty foods, so that’s a little bit creepy. Okay, carrier status. I don’t have any carrier statuses at all. I don’t carry anything. Look at me! Well, I have a ton of privilege today, don’t I? Let’s look at traits. Likely no dimples. Nope. No dimples. Likely detached earlobes. Is that detached? It’s not detached, look, it’s clearly attached! Likely wet earwax. That’s-that’s genuinely quite grim, thank you for that. I mean, after a shower, you know? Anyway, likely darker eyes. I have like green-ish, brown-ish eyes. So… kind of? Likely ring finger longer. Wrong! My ringer it–oh…actually, my ring finger is slightly longer than my index finger. (gasps) Oh my goodness, the prophecies! Likely: a lot of freckles. You know, they-they got it pretty good. I do genuinely have quite a few freckles. That’s a little bit odd. Genetic health risk. This is where it gets heavy. Hey… What the heck? There’s no heaviness. I’m not likely to get Alzheimer’s disease, I’m not likely to get Parkinson’s disease. All these other two things that I…(mumbles) Guys I’m gonna live forever. I am the first immortal being! It’s so obvious now, really, when you think about it. Likely to consume more caffeine. (laughs) Not with my anxiety levels. Muscle composition: common in elite power athletes. I paid over £100 to find out that I’m 14% Scandinavian and I’m not gonna die. And for something to tell me “You can smell asparagus!” Yeah, I know! I’m also more Neanderthal than 74% of people. (clicks tongue) Anyway, uh…that’s it. I definitely should not be sad that there wasn’t more juicy things in there. I should be very thankful that I’m clearly not a carrier of anything really bad. I’m actually 78% more likely to be p’ed off that I spent £100 on this rubbish. Anyway, thank you so much for watching this video. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, let me know by giving me a thumbs up down below. And, as always guys, and forever, apparently I shall catch you later! I am never gonna die. (laughs)

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