HomeArticlesThe Insane Complexity of Alicorn Genetics | PRINCESS FLURRY HEART?
The Insane Complexity of Alicorn Genetics | PRINCESS FLURRY HEART?
September 9, 2019
Baby Cakes is an episode that makes a lot
of people turn their heads. Me included. The existence of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake being
two totally different races from their parents left many viewers confused, and some using
it as an excuse, saying there MUST be a chance that you can be born an alicorn as well if
you can be born a pegasus or a unicorn. But they’re wrong. When information in the show is introduced,
like how two earth pony parents can have offspring that are unicorns or pegasi, we cannot say
this isn’t canon, because… it was introduced in the show and we have to incorporate said
information into our own canon now. Alright, now that this is canon, can any race but an
alicorn produce alicorn offspring? The short answer, drumroll please, is no. But you won’t
believe me so we gotta give you the long answer. Let’s delve right into this.
Alicorn: Ooh ooh, I was born an alicorn and I’m proof! HAHAHA YOU’RE WRONG-
ANYWAY! ANYWAY Alicorns in MLP’s lore can be divided into
around 4 things as to why they are the way they are. They are a combination of all races,
they are enlightened in a certain subject so much to the point of gaining a horn or
a pair or wings or even both, said subject having to do with magic and harmony, are royalty,
and are supposed to spread their harmony across the land of Equestria.
SA: Well, this has nothing to do with me not being born an alicorn. I’M TOO GOOD FOR
YOUR STUPID RULES! ST: Well sorry Princess Rainsparkle fucking
Nova Alright, the first one is so simple I’m
not getting into that, but the biggest reason why you can’t be born an alicorn is because
of the second one. When you’re enlightened in something in MLP, you get a little magic
painless tattoo on your bum, you know, a cutie mark. And if you’re born an alicorn, then
you must be enlightened in something, right? So you’ll be born with a cutie mark! Simple!
Right? Well… no. Uh… Storm, are you okay?
I’m… fine! Oh hello, huh.
AHHHH! Never in the show have we ever seen anyone
born with a cutie mark, and the whole society of Equestria is based on cutie marks themselves,
discovering one, and then pursuing some career in that cutie mark to fulfill your role you
were meant to play in Equestria. If a little foal was born with a cutie mark, she would
be straight ahead to a career and then child labor and… yeah. Furthermore, most cutie
marks probably need you to talk or walk or think or draw or write or use magic or fly
or use your hooves in anyway that involves a certain skill, but you’re like a minute
old and you have a cutie mark in like, grass or animals or something when you’ve never
seen the outdoors because you were born in a hospital. Doesn’t make much sense, huh?
Not to mention your whole childhood as a pony is meant to be a blank flank until discovering
your cutie mark, so this born alicorn with her cutie mark has the worst life ever because
she had no childhood and is more boring, without any imagination, than Maud Pie. Woohoo, don’t
you just love your character, so tragic and full of despair because YOU, the creator,
decided to make it born an alicorn? How does that make you feel?
I don’t need this negativity in my life DID I ASK YOU?
AHHHH Like shit? No, it doesn’t. Because at the
end of the day, YOU’RE Ponysona or OC is an alicorn for one sole reason and DON’T
tell me it’s for any other, because it looks cool. No matter how hidden that reason is,
trust me m8, it’s at least subconscious when you created your OC.
But I am like so awesome! AHHHHHH
ANYWAY, the Journal of the Two Sisters state that Celestia and Luna were born alicorns,
and that’s canon, so that means my theory is disproved… oh well. HAHA WRONG! Celestia
and Luna were born alicorns because they are special in Equestrias history, they had to
defeat Discord to save the land, and thus are special alicorns. It was their destiny
to bring harmony to the land, and we know destiny plays a big role in this show, Magical
Mystery Cure… Alright, so is there any other reason why
you can’t be born an alicorn? Well sure, but this requires some math, something I used
to be quite good at but then puberty happened and the school system introduced algebra to
our incompetent teenager brains and UGGGHHH- There are 7 billion people on earth, but Equestria
clearly isn’t a world, it’s a country, because there are mythological creatures and
they need their own countries like Griffons and the likes. So for the sake of my argument
I’m gonna say Equestria is equivalent to… MURICA.
WOOO FUCK YEAH #PINKLIVESMATTER. Alright, math time. Most comments I recieved
on my original Insane Complexity video was released said that their alicorn OC was born
with a 1/1000 chance of it being an alicorn. For one, 1/1000 is like completely against
any genetics because there are only dominant and recessive genes… or a ¼ chance of being
an alicorn if alicorn hood is recessive. Of course you can say it’s because of a genetic
mutation but what’s to say you still have alicorn magic? This fraction is going to be
important to figure out the population of “born alicorns” in Equestria. Let’s
assume that Equestrias population is 317 million ponies, like the USA, and that said population
is divided equally into men and women, so.. 158,500,000 men and the same amount of women.
Let’s assume everyone has 1 kid with eachother, every man and woman are paired, so let’s
do 317 million divided by 2 and we also get 158,500,000 ponies born. Then we do that divided
by 1000 and we get 158,500 alicorn babies. Now of course we aren’t taking into account
people who have kids and the likes, but this is theoretical.
Storm: You know what else is theoretical… Tyandaga: Hey guys, Tyandaga here!
Storm: Hey Tyandaga… Tyandaga: Oh, hello Storm!
Storm: Mind if I teach you some new… theories… Tyandaga: I already took physics in high school…
Storm: Well this theory is all new… cause those horns of yours aren’t the only thing
that’s horny… Tyandaga: UHHHHHH
SO DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD CHANGE THE SCOPE OF THE SHOW? It’d change it by
a lot. Alicorns flying around everywhere, super powerful alicorn beings. And all alicorns
we’ve seen so far have been royalty, meaning that that would mean 158,500 princesses and
princes just, you know, walking to the grocery store all willy nilly. BUT NO. THAT CAN’T
HAPPEN. If there was a world with 158,500 alicorns, plus the Alicorn Princess in MLP,
that would mean there would be no conflict in the show because super powerful alicorns
are everywhere, which means no wars, and no fighting, and no anything! Bye Tirek, bye
Chrysalis, BYE FELICIA. The world would be absolutely rainbow daisy easy pickens. And
158,500 superheroes would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it? All these alicorn’s, being
here for no reason, it just doesn’t make sense. It’s useless. If the MLP world is
fine off right now without 158,504 alicorns, it’ll be alright for a long, long time without
Princess Rainsparkle Nova. Rainsparkle Nova: Honestly, I do not want
to hear your transmisogynistic, fat shaming, skoliophobic, BULLSHIT! Tumblr, are you with
me!? Tumblr boxes: Text to speech
Storm: Sigh… *walks out of screen* *gets chainsaw*
AHHHHHHHH *zooms in on Storms face, cuts*