The PATRICK STAR Family Tree ? SpongeBob


Today, we look at
the history of Patrick Star. Who are you people? To truly appreciate the Star family tree, we need to go back in time
approximately 546 million years, during the Precambrian period. Meet Primitive Star, the earliest known member
of the Star family. Do note the sharp white tusks
and deep blue gums that separate him from
the Patrick Star that we know today. He’s hideous. Ow! Primitive Star’s survival was due
largely in part to his tolerance for pain. It’s called jellyfishing. Learning nothing, Primitive Star
also enjoyed the act of jellyfishing. Who’s the barnacle head who
invented that game anyway? You are, Squidward! Moving on further up the coral of life. More than 530 million years have passed
and we arrive at Patar, the next evolution in the Star lineage. Patar! Often confused with Primitive Star, Patar shares en eerily similar
personality to his ancient ancestor. [moaning] In fact, there’s nothing more
Patar enjoys than eating. This includes cloth, slime, wood, even Mr. Krabs’ ancestors. You took my only food. Now I’m gonna starve. Now we travel even further up the tree
another 10 million years or so to one of the more famous
members of the Star family… Wow Patrick, I didn’t know
you had a famous relative. Patrick Revere. He rode through the streets
warning Bikini Bottom of the coming hoards of ravenous
man-eating mollusks. The mollusks are coming!
The mollusks are coming! Of course, no one actually believed him. What be’ith the deal
with ye old nutcase? Best part about it is I don’t have
to accomplish anything in life. Because my uncle already did it for me. Next we fast forward to
the dangerous land of Dead Eye Gulch. What brings you to
Dead Eye Gulch, stranger? Strange is right. Home to Pecos Patrick Star. That’s me! Despite successfully learning a language, the intelligence of the sea star
had not evolved much compared to its ancient ancestors. Why are y’all standing in your pajamas? Now don’t tell me. Oh, I know! You’re throwing a slumber party. – Pillow fight!
– Ow! He’s a comin’! Dead Eye’s a comin’! Dead Eye? He had a natural enemy
in Dead Eye Plankton, the pest of the west. Aw, again? And a close friend in
SpongeBuck Squarepants. Hop on, buddy. Thanks, idiot friend. Things get a little slimy in
this next era of the Star family. Ew, we’re all covered in slime. Patrick’s great-great-great grandparents
are none other than the royal Queen Mildew and King Amoeba. Royalty to what?
None other than Bikini Bottom. What I hold in my hands is a family tree
that goes back centuries. It starts with the marriage of
King Amoeba and Queen Mildew. Then through a few inbred generations, ends you, Sir Patrick. The king and queen had two children. The first, Princess Tulsa. She married the court jester, Yorick. A skill that surely passed on
to our modern Patrick Star. You’re welcome. The other child,
a son named Prince Callous, appears to be some kind of dolphin. Hey oh, how about this? It’s awesome! Perhaps Patrick did inherit
some dolphin after all. [dolphin calls] Prince Callous married Prince Dingus. Together they had a son, Carl. Of interesting note is that
Carl is the first and only member of the Star family tree
to not have children. This is where his branch ends. But I don’t want it to end! Now now, the coral tree does continue
with Patrick’s great uncle Cletus. I’ll never forget what
my great uncle Cletus said right before he was arrested
at a freedom march. What was that? It’s where a bunch of people
go walking down the street and– I know what a freedom march is, Patrick.
I mean what did he say? Oh, yeah. He said, “Let not your heart
walk away from you.” “Lest your mind grow legs and follow it.” Wow, your uncle sounds
like a pretty smart guy, Patrick. What happened to him
after he was arrested? I don’t know.
He was never heard from again. Next, meet Patrick’s grandmother
Maw Tucket, daughter of Princess Tulsa. I didn’t wanna have to do this, but I’m gonna let you in
on a little family secret. Old grandma suffered from
severe toe barnacles. Ah! She married Billy Bob Star,
a decedent of Pecos Patrick, and thus the Star surname makes
its way back into our family tree. Maw and Billy Bob had two sons. The first, Herbert Star. Herb married Margie. And together they became
Patrick’s parents. Wow son, you actually
recognized us this time. And you remembered to get dressed today. Of course, they are not to be
confused with Janet and Marty, who Patrick believed to be his parents. Janet? Marty? Who are you people? Oh that’s right honey,
we don’t have a son. – Oh yeah.
– And this of course, brings us to the star
of the Star family, Patrick. Just don’t think about
giving Patrick any nicknames. My name’s not Rick! Going through his lineage,
it’s easy to see how Patrick adopted many of the traits from his ancestors. – Playful.
– Does this look dangerous? – Hungry.
– Observe how the hungry sea star ejects his own stomach from his body,
in order to eat his meal. – Loving.
– I love you. And of course…
How does one say this? Well maybe it is stupid,
but it’s also dumb. But the coral tree
does not stop at Patrick. He has a sister, Sam Star. Wow, I didn’t know you had a sister. Nobody does. Although, Patrick has claimed
to not have a sister. Oh my gosh, if my sister finds out–
Oh wait, I don’t have a sister. This is coming from
the very same sea star that can’t remember his own parents. Brober! Sis… It’s so good to see you. Samantha is a much more
aggressive sea star. She adopted more primal characteristics
from Primitive Star and Patar. Make sister Sam mad! Reckless as she is, Sam Star
has zero tolerance for meanies. Meanies go home! Just make sure to avoid
eye contact with her fingernails. Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails! But Maw and Billy Bob had two sons. The second is quite a shocker. Meet Sluggo Star, father to
none other than Gary. [burping] Meow. This reveals two very interesting twists
in the Star family tree. The first being that Patrick
and Gary are actually cousins. Gary? I thought what we had was special! And secondly, Sluggo was
the first born son of Maw, making Gary the true and
rightful king of Bikini Bottom. Well, would you look at that. Gary, you’re royalty. Meow. Gary, best known for being
SpongeBob’s pet snail and a world renown poet… Meow, meow, meow… [sighing] He has such a way with words. He is also responsible for
the creation of Alice Wilson, a female made entirely
out of his own slime. [gasping] She’s beautiful. What a marvelous mucky creation. Alice found a loving partner in Marvin, Bikini Bottom’s very own
animal control officer. What a lovely couple. This makes Alice
Patrick’s cousin once removed. Uh… And explains why he attended the wedding. [cheering] Welcome to the future! Now we must venture
deep into the future, to the year 4017 to meet Patrick’s great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great–
OK, enough of that. Meet Pat Tron. Did somebody say ‘jellyfishing’? Hi Pat Tron. Pat Tron fully resembles
his ancestor Patrick. The only difference being his two heads and his ability to teleport. Wow. And there you have
the entire Star family tree! Join us next time as we discover
the interesting ancestry in yet another fascinating chapter
of Nickelodeon’s history, on Nick Family Tree. He’s Squidward, he’s Squidward,
you’re Squidward? I’m Squidward! Are there any other Squidwards
I should know about? Meow.

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