We Take a DNA Test


Ethan: What up pimps? We are about to give me and hila a colonoscopy Hila: On camera
Ethan: Metaphorically, yeah Metaphorically speaking, I mean you’re not gonna see the inside of our anuses Hila: That’s a shame
Ehtan: but you will metaphorically Yeah, I could shove a camera up your ass if you want I’m sure there’s several people out there who are like [licking noises] We just subscribed to one of these ancestry websites [Ethan spits] Oh God Hila: Gross Ethan: Oh God Usually people would have to pay to watch me do this [Ethan spits] Basically it tells you everything about yourself: where your family’s from, what cancer you’re gonna die from And all kinds of other weird medical shit I haven’t looked at it But I’m pretty excited to see it. What I’m not excited about which I just learned is that they sell your data Did you know that?
I just heard about it It’s so creepy your medical data Did they could clone us now dude! Ethan: Is it gay if you fuck a clone of yourself?
Hila: Yeah. Ethan: Cuz it’s like masturbating because you would you touch your own dick, but people don’t say that’s gay. Hila: I think you’re gay (Off Camera) Dan: I don’t know if it’s gay but isn’t it incest?
Ethan: Oh, if you fuck yourself? Ethan: Yeah, so what if a clone of you sucks you off is that incest Dan?
Hila: It’s incest and it’s gay Ethan: So let’s start with me. This is kind of hilariously sad so let’s start with my genetic background my ancestry. I am 99.7% European 99.1% Ashkenazi Jewish I might- I might be crowned… People always say Jesus is the king of the Jews I might be the King of the Jews. I doubt even Jesus was 99.1% Ashkenazi Jew Hila: Yeah, I doubt it too. Years and years of incest have led me to being 99.1% pure bred Ashkenazi Jewish Which explains why I have Tourette’s, why I have all these genetic problems, Why I’m OCD Everyone in my family’s insane. Well here’s the proof is in the pudding. I’m actually shocked by that Why didn’t I get this report before we got married? Yeah? That’s a dark world where you’re like I need to see your DNA result before we get married Yours is way more diverse man. This is powerful. This is a good thing It’s so good that work I didn’t marry another Ashkenazi Jew because our kids will come out with like seven fingers on one hand and shit. Okay, so Iraqi 43% And I, from my knowledge, have no Iraqi in my family Dude, if your mom and dad need to be talking about “What’s this 43% Iraqi?” cuz what’s your dad? So my dad is Libya which is 28% here Doesn’t add up It’s pretty weird that It says Iraq and not Turkey I think it’s just the way they started to classify it but… Did you tell your mom this yet? Do your parents, do your siblings know about that your Iraqi? No way.
But the good news Hila is that you are 10% Italian So that’s some swag points right there. That’s gucci as fuck That was the one I was really happy to see, cause I love pasta Did you tell your dad that your 10% Italian?
I did, and he was like-
Did he swell with joy? He was like “didn’t I always say we were Italian?” Ten percent Only 4% Ashkenazi Jew Dude you’re straight muggle blooded how’s a pure blood wizard like me supposed to get hook up with a muggle blooded 4% Ashkenazi Jew? But true love transcends all boundaries of race *Imitating Italian Accent* “Hey, you’re Italian forget about it huh, hey all your problems forget it you’re Italian” Ethan your impression is NOT my goddamn culture Oof, shit, 10% dude Wellness report find out how your DNA may affect your body’s response to diet exercise and sleep. Whoa. This is interesting This is you?
This is me Predisposed to weigh above average Bro I knew there was a reason I was fat that wasn’t my fault. It’s not my fault! About average Oh Predisposed It’s my fault I’m a fat fuckin idiot who eats too much food. I thought they’re like you’re fat, and you have no controls, and I was like thank god Let me get a burger right now This thing says I’m destined to be fat Lactose-intolerant likely intolerant. maybe that could explain why it looks like a dam broke every time I take a shit I’m like, I’m not lactose intolerant
Meanwhile in the bathroom the dam broke And there’s no life left in the whole goddamn country basin.
Muscle composition common in elite power athletes Are you fucking kidding me? common in elite power athletes whoa So you are… What happened? Feel it, bro. That’s that’s straight-up elite power. You look you need to appreciate what it’s happening here. Oh My god, this is interesting Oh Genetic weight, predisposed to weigh less than average. Thank you. Tell that to my dad I need to print this and wear it over me. Last time you went to Israel my aunt was there my Dad’s sister and the first thing she says to me. She hasn’t seen me in like five years the first thing She says like what happened. You look are you okay? You look sick? It’s like bitch, DNA.com, read it
Likely intolerant of lactose Interesting. how’s your poops? It’s fine
Are you sure cuz you didn’t flush a couple days ago and I have to say it was I did flush! It didn’t work but I did flush I’m just saying it wasn’t as healthy-looking as I thought it’d be you’re in and out of there fast And I take my time I was like well, maybe she’s just doing one wipe. I’m not sure about it. I don’t know just saying It’s not a one wipe It’s not Maybe you’re lactose intolerant. I don’t know How many wipes how many wipes? Okay What, you don’t wanna have this conversation now Our genetic health risk reports tell you how your DNA can affect your chances of developing certain health conditions Oh God, I’m actually getting anxious right now I don’t like what I’m seeing here already
Here we go Oh my god, I’m getting anxious Cancer results just tell me. Why you making me click. Just tell me This is so annoying just fucking
oh, they’re trying to be like They’re being like it’s not that serious. Don’t worry about it. Don’t freak out ZERO VARIANTS DETECTED! What was this one for? They freak you the fuck out dude They make your ass click through all this shit like it’s all gonna be ok
this is just the brca1 and 2 I don’t know these are associated with breast cancer risk You do not have the three genetic variants, okay, I feel like I’m playing Russian roulette right now I just pulled the trigger and I was like still here That was fucking scary. Oh my god. My heart is racing. This is scary. This is fucked up Late onset Alzheimer’s disease alright. Let’s go. fuck it. This is so scary here They’re making me do this whole shit again like it’s all gonna be okay. You know it. Don’t worry about it. You’re gonna live You do not have oh my god Bullet number two Empty chamber woah dude. Oh my god You do not have that variant we tested this shit is fucked up I’m, dude Dude this is so scary I don’t know if you should know this stuff about yourself Parkinson’s disease I’ve always suspected. I’m gonna get Parkins disease. I’m so scared. I’m so scared you do not oh my god I’m so happy I checked that no, but that was so scary. I don’t recommend you guys check this out I recommend you do this. They’re gonna sell your ass. They’re gonna clone you so that you can fuck yourself You have two copies of a genetic variant age-related Macular is a good generation. It’s a common cause of irreversible vision loss Shit, you know what I’ll take vision loss like Compare like I got through the gauntlet man. I’ll take vision loss. What is this deficiency? hereditary hemochromatosis The fuck that is is a genetic condition characterized by absorption of too much dietary iron this may lead to iron overload which may Result in your increased super athlete muscles going crazy, which can cause damage to joints It’s in food Hila. You know what food is? I know your ass is disposed to be blessed, but people eat food, okay Now I’m, okay Ok so now let’s find out that I’m dying Alright so basically, I’ve got like liver disease or something, but who cares and I’m gonna be blind by by the time I’m sixty, but honestly whoa that was so scary Alright, Hila. Let’s do this man alright. So this is like the breast cancer and ovarian Cancer one you want to hold my hand I mean, it’s scary, dude not even joking zero, thank God Thank God That one I was really scared of we’re not done Alzheimer’s don’t Thank God I read it wrong. It said before I thought it to get more Berrien so I was like you’re fucked Yeah, holy shit Give the armpit genetics a little bit. This is fucking terrifying, bro all right Parkinson’s Zero I Need a hug I mean you got I feel fortunate I feel like you’re so lucky that we made it through that together like holy shit That was I’m not like this got really serious. I feel bad for anyone who does have this night I’m not sure that you guys should test that because of that stuff. You can’t well the cancer wants Good to know about yeah, because you can prevent breast and ovarian cancer by you know just well but the other ones you can’t control I Love you. We did it. We’re gonna live It’s like if I got bad news. I was about to drop that like just right here right now. That was terrifying I actually when I got to that serious stuff Do they know that I was like, maybe I don’t know if we should be filming this and then when you were fine I thought I’m definitely gonna.
I was I thought for sure you were gonna be like goner Now I feel bad for everyone who does that Who does and gets yeah But
Fuck em dude We’re gonna live, we’re gonna live good
We’re gonna live I’m not high fiving that And a quick Papa blessed – Dollar Shave Club who pays us because youtube doesn’t anymore they’ve got all the grooming Products, toothpaste, body wash, hair styling products, and everything you need to look, feel, and smell your best Hila. Can you button me up?
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Oh my god dude. I look like a used condom but I feel like a freshly groomed penis. Thanks for watching guys appreciate you

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